Last Week I Came Out To My Parents.

Wow wow wow. It has been 15 (i think?) days since I last posted. So much has happened in my life, as you can tell by the title, and I can’t really explain it all but this is a basic rundown.

In a group chat of my school friends, we all kinda got into a fight about religion which ended up in P and F thinking I was being homophobic. We had a huge shouting match at school about it because some of the things P was saying about religion were really offensive, and it ended in me telling her, 7 other friends and my parents that I was bisexual. Which I am. I was really upset because she wasn’t supportive and just said I didn’t know what it was like being forced in or out of the closet (which I actually do) so I went home for the rest of the day.

It was a really horrible/scary/sad day and honestly I cried my way through almost all of it, but even though it didn’t feel like it then I have a HUGE weight off my chest and I can be more open about things now (like my many girl crushes 😉 ).

So I’m bi! Previously only a handful of people knew about this, Elm being one of them as I emailed her about it way way way back, and since last week I came out to a whole load of people I figured it was time to let all of you know. It’s been kind of a difficult journey accepting it because life was a lot easier when I was ‘straight’ (when nobody knew) but my parents were so lovely and kind as I knew they would be, as are all of my friends. Me and P aren’t as close as we used to be at all, but I think things will be okay between us eventually :).

Honestly this post hardly describes much of what happened but I’ve had to keep it short as I don’t want to go into detail. However if you have any questions leave them down below and I’ll be sure to answer them! Also, my email is littleblog123@gmail.com if you don’t want the questions to be public :). Thanks for reading!

LittleBlog x

 

 

Turning Sixteen.

In two hours I’ll officially be an adult under UK law. I can join the army, get married, have kids, buy fireworks (not necessarily in that order 🙂 ). It feel crazy for this to be happening: I still remember what it felt like to be 4, to be 8, to be 11 starting high school, to be almost every single age. And no, I don’t just have memories of being that age, I remember how it felt. I remember how when I was 4 I desperately longed to be 5 because then I would be a ‘big girl’. When I was 8 I constantly wished I could go to high school and be in ‘big school’. When I was 11 I wanted to be older so then I’d have a proper figure, and I could do what I want.

I’m older now (sort of) but I just want everything to slow down. I’m a big girl now but I just want to be little again so theres no stress, and I want to go back to primary school when everything was simple and despite having aged 5 years, I doubt I’ll ever have a ‘proper’ figure. I’m okay with that one though. In 2 months I’ll be sitting my prelims (mock exams), then the real things in 6 months, and then a year after that I’ll be leaving school and hopefully heading for University! In the last couple of days my plans for the future have been completely turned on it’s head and I’m currently stuck in limbo of not knowing where I’ll be in the next year. I realise everyone gets this, but for the last year or so I’ve been so sure of what I wanted to do and now I’m beginning to wonder whether the subjects I’m studying will even be relevant n the next three years of my life.

My next worry is a bit of an embarrassing one. As everyone keeps telling me, by tomorrow I’ll be ‘legal’ and can do whatever I want. With a guy (or girl) who is also legal. You see what I’m getting at? It’s not like I’m frigid (although there is absolutely nothing wrong with that) but I’m really not in a rush to have a boyfriend or girlfriend or anything. Honestly I think it’s laziness- in the past couple of months I have -got with- people and that was finee and fun and everything but if I actually had the choice to be in a relationship I’d probably say no at this point. There was a thing that I had with a guy recently which I might talk about in another post but eventually I chose not to pursue it. He was gorgeous (like a solid 9, no kidding) and he genuinely liked me, but he was a little older than me and it just didn’t feel right.

I feel like I’m just rambling at the moment about ever thought that comes into my head without actually getting to my point. What was my point? I think it’s just that I’m scared of getting older even though hardly anything will change and in the long run I’ll be finee. It’s excitement too -I’m having a party on Saturday night and I can’t wait!- and nerves about stepping into that place between 16 and 18 where you technically an adult but not really.

If you got this far then I congratulate you, it was a ramble and a mess but I needed to get my thoughts down. Thanks for reading, and wish me luck for 16!

LittleBlog x

The Edinburgh Post (finally).

Hey everyone! If you haven’t read my crazy ranty mental healthy post from 12am last night then i advise you do. Although it’s confusing and impossible to follow it explains a bit of what is going on. 

Anyway, a few weeks ago I visited edinburgh with my family for a few days to celebrate my Dads 50th birthday! I had an amazing time and wanted to share some of the photos i got with you all😊.

 We visited the National Gallery of Modern Art and i absolutely fell in love❤️ These are some of my favourites!

This one is an original Andy Warhol! I love it❤️

These 4 were all done by Bridget Riley and they were some of my favourite works in the whole Gallery.


This was a piece outside Gallery 1 and it’s definitely one of the favourites, by far one of the best pieces at this gallery. If you can’t see the photo, it’s a huge sign mounted on scaffolding that reads ‘THERE WILL BE NO MIRACLES HERE’ lit up in lights that look like the ones you find around dressing room mirrors.

This painting holds a special meaning to my family: it was painted by Anne Redpath, a relation of my Grans and we were very proud to see it hanging in the Gallery.

That night we visited an amazing fish restaurant called ‘Fishers in the City’, it does the most amazing fish and wine. 

Starter- Softshell Crab

Main- Steamed Shetland Mussels

Dessert- The best sticky toffee pudding i’ve ever eaten.

The next day we visited the Edinburgh Botanics, and it was such amazing experience. The whole thing was beautiful but i especially loved the glasshouses.

A beautiful display of prayer flags❤️

The ceiling of the original glasshouse🌴









I also went shopping for a few hours by myself (!) on Princes Street and took this photo of a little fresh flowers stall🌺

On our last night we went to a gorgeous cinema to watch Miss Peregrines Home For Peculiar Children and I had to get a photo of the gorgeous stained glass outside it🐥


That was most of my trip! I had such an amazing week spending time with family and friends I haven’t seen in forever, and i can’t wait for December as I’ll be visiting the Christmas markets twice! Once with my family and once with some friends from Perth. Thanks for reading! 

LittleBlog x

Untitled Shit.

There are so many things you don’t know about me. You don’t know that every time i’ve opened my laptop for the past two weeks it’s made me feel sick because of all the stress i associate it with, including blogging. You don’t know that i’ve given up on schoolwork and even though i know if i carry on like this i’ll fail, but i don’t feel like i can try. You don’t know that last weekend i got absolutely mortal and pulled a stranger who offered me drugs (don’t worry though, i never took any).

I drink around 1/4 of my weekends (that equals out to once a month, which really isn’t that bad). I only smoke if i’m pissed. I really don’t want to publish this post already but i feel i need to be transparent with you all. I’m the sort of girl who gets excited that her profile picture on facebook got 130 likes because maybe it means that people think i’m pretty. 

I believe that beauty is a social construct and what’s on the inside is what matters. I try desperately to educate my brother and my make frinds on feminism without sounding like a crazy person and driving them away.

With my friends i act like i’m a huge slag but i’m still a virgin, and i’ve never had a proper boyfriend or girlfriend. I’m in love (bit dramatic lol) with two of my close friends. 

I volunteer weekly with children in the local Beaver colony, part of the scouting association. They’re aged between 6-8 and i love doing it because it reminds me of what it was like to be that age. Since i’m a very nostalgic person, i love to remember and i think it helps the kids having someone who knows what they’re thinking. I hope.

I use scouts and scout camps to get drunk and meet new people. It’s amazing and messy and i’ve met some of my best friends through it. Half of us probably have drinking problems but we don’t care.

I’m donating my hair to the little princess trust in January. It’s down to the bottom of my rib cage and i’m getting it cut to just my shoulders. I’m excited and terrified all at once.

I’m scared of so many things but i put on a brave face and pretend i’m fearless. Growing up with two older brothers and a positively mental family has supposedly toughened me up but these last two years have been difficult and the cracks are beginning to show. I’ve only selfharmed once though, and the physical scar completely faded from the back of my hand.

I really don’t want to publish this because it will look pretentious and attention seeking and i’ll lose followers. Also in saying that i’ve shown how superficially i take this blog. In the beginning i wanted it to be beauty and lifestyle and now it’s a shit show of me popping up every couple of weeks and letting you discover how much of a mess i am.

I really want to get a guinea pig or a kitten or something that i can cuddle and love and make myself happy with. 

It’s my 16th birthday in 9 days and i don’t know why i’m so scared. Two of the kindest most loving people in the world are travelling over 7 hours to come and see me. I love them both in more ways than one. I can’t tell if it’s the promise of seeing me or getting alcohol that’s motivating them to come. I suspect it’s a bit of both.

I’ll regret posting this in the morning because my 12am head rambles really shouldn’t be put out on the internet and i’m sorry for all of the typos. My phone is a bit shit.

I love you all and i hope you don’t think too much worse of me after this. I think i probably need to speak to a therapist or something but that’ll have to wait until i leave home so currently you’re the best i’ve got.

LittleBlog x

Absence.

Hey everyone! I don’t know if any of you will have noticed, but recently I’ve barely blogged at all. My last post was over a week ago, but I haven’t been actively reading anyone’s blog posts for around a month and my posting schedule hasn’t been consistent since before the summer holidays.

At the beginning of 2016 I threw myself into the world of blogging and made so many new friends and connections. I’ve learned so many things from reading and writing posts and every time I hear from another blogger through their posts, comments or emails it truly warms my heart. However lately I’ve felt so disconnected from it. Not just blogging, but my whole world.

For the past two years I’ve felt like my life is a countdown t the next exciting thing to happen to me, but when that thing comes along I focus so much on trying to make the most of it that I can’t actually enjoy it. A rundown of these ‘events’ for the rest of the next couple of months are:

  • National camping weekend with my friends and other young people
  • Halloween sleepover/party
  • My birthday
  • My party (which some friends are travelling over 7 hours to come to!)
  • A good friends party

The list goes on and on, and that one doesn’t even cover all of November. I’m so so excited for everything that’s happening, especially to see the friends who are travelling hundreds of miles for my birthday <3. Despite all this excitement, I have this sense that none of this is real. It’s like everything is made of glass and if I move wrong it will all shatter and I’ll be left with nothing.

Not all’s bad though, I just spent a lovely 5 days in Edinburgh going to galleries and gardens and shopping! I’m going to make a couple of posts about what I got up to then, but I felt that this post about my head and feelings took priority. I might write a bit more in depth about this derealisation (if thats a word?) at some point :).

Thanks for reading!

LittleBlog x

The First Frost

Hey everyone! I know i haven’t blogged in ages and i’m sorry, things have been piling up again. As some of you may know, on fridays i attend a different school than my normal one so that i can study Gaelic, a scottish language commonly spoken in the highlands. Since the school is around 25 miles from where i live, i have to wake up very early (5.45) and leave my house very early (7.00) so that i can get there in time. 

As i walked outside this morning the air was freezing and i could see my breath, which was when i realised there was a covering of ice across the roof of my car! Seeing as i’m obsessed with this time of year and ANYTHING to do with christmas i was ecstatic. All through the 45 minute journey to school there was frost on the grass and the hills, and it was so early that we even saw the frozen mist over the fields😊 

I love the changing of the seasons as with it brings halloween, my birthday, and christmas🎄. I’m a very nostalgic person but even more so at this time of the year because of all the lovely memories i have with family and friends.

I realise that for most parts of the UK you won’t have had any frost, but as i live on the most northerly tip of Scotland, it’s usually very cold here😊. Autumn has already finished up here and we’re heading into Winter!

What are most looking forward to this season?

LittleBlog x

Note: This was actually written yesterday morning on the bus home from school but i haven’t gotten around to publishing until now😊

300 followers and Q&A!

Hey everyone! First of all I want to thank everyone for their amazing lovely comments on my last post. I wrote about the incident because I was scared and needed support and received such a huge outpouring of love from this community, I can’t thank you all enough❤️

Second of all, I want to say thank you for 300 followers! I haven’t been active on WordPress for over a week (sorry😞) so I don’t know exactly when this happened but it came as such a huge surprise! I’ve only been blogging for 9 months, and today is in fact my blog baby! What I mean by that is that it’s been exactly nine months since I posted my first blog post, to think what I’ve achieved since then is crazy😊. 

To celebrate 300 I’d love to do a Q & A so please could everyone leave a few questions in the comments, no matter how weird or wonderful they are! Again, thank you all and I love you lots and lots❤️❤️❤️ 

LittleBlog x

Women Who Walk Alone At Night.

Last night I was harassed on the street, all because of my gender. Other women and girls who are reading this will sadly immediately know what I’m talking about, and will understand that it can be one of the most terrifying experiences of your life. Men and boys who read this might have some understanding, but they will never ever experience it to this level.

Last night I was walking with a group of friends through the town. A couple hundred feet behind us, there was a group of rowdy – possibly drunk – boys from my year, aged 16+. They somehow recognised me and started shouting my name, but we all just ignored them. We reached a crossing and while most of them carried up the same road, me and my friend H crossed over and started walking parallel to the rest of our friends on the other side of the road. I still have no clue why we did this and I wish we’d stayed with the rest of our friends.

As we were crossing the road, the boys noticed that H was a guy and although there’s nothing between us, they started to shout horrible things about how I was chasing after him and wanted to ‘pounce on his genitalia’. Yes, those were their exact words. Now at that point H did the worst thing he could do: he sped up in front of me and started to walk away. It made me look like a sad idiot literally chasing after a guy and the boys noticed this and were shouting abuse at me. Then H turned up a side street – the opposite way from which I was going – and My. Heart. Stopped. I was suddenly alone, in the dark on the street while a group of boys shouted abuse at me and there was nothing I could do to stop them. One of them, the ringleader, tried coaxing me over the road to join them and despite the fact I was nearly running, they somehow kept up on the other side of the road. I couldn’t see my other friends, I had no idea where H was or where I was going, all I knew was that I had to get far far away from them.

Eventually they disappeared up a street but I kept running because I was scared they would double back and find me. To a lot of people it might sound like I was overreacting but until you are in the situation where a group of 6 large boys who are twice the height and have ten times the strength of you are harassing you on the street in the dark while you are completely alone, you will have no idea how terrifying it is.

I’d just reached our meeting place when H walk through the door, laughing. H thought it was so funny. I called him a prick and he looked confused, like he didn’t even realise I’d been scared for life. I told him he had no clue what it was like, and that he was a dickhead for leaving me, and then I went and sat in the bathrooms for 10 minutes  while I had a breakdown. My heart was racing, my hands were shaking and tears were coursing down my face for what felt like no reason, but all I could think of (and still am thinking of) was how I would cope on Monday at school. All of the boys are in my year, and I’m terrified to go back. Honestly I’d rather shove my fingers down my throat to fake ill than go.

Women who walk alone at night are the bravest people in the world. Women who stick their keys between their fingers in a fist may be terrified, yet they are still resilient. I don’t know if I’ll ever live in a world where I am fearless while walking alone, but maybe this can raise awareness among young men that what they see as ‘just banter’ scares the life out of women. I know that if i reported this to the school or even the police, nothing would come of it. They’d say it was my fault for getting separated from my friends, that it was my fault I was so scared, that ‘boys will be boys’. Everyday sexism still exists in the world, in 2016, whether you want to believe it or not.

I’m sorry for the depressing-ranty post, but I use my blog almost like a therapy session. I’ll be doing more cheerful posts soon, I promise 🙂

LittleBlog x

GRWM Through The Years!

Hey everyone! It’s fair to say that over the years I’ve changed quite a lot in height, style, and even personality :). I thought it would be fun to compare how I was in 2012 and 2014 to now in 2016! I got this idea from Dodie Clark (doddleoddle) one of my favourite youtubers. You can watch her video here.

2012

Makeup

Apply one layer of cheap mascara and some Collection powder, and nothing else because I’m 12 and have absolutely clear skin! I don’t own any concealer or foundation (and neither should I) and I haven’t even heard of contouring.

Clothes

Pair a blue shirt with a vest top and a pair of straight leg jeans, not forgetting the essential Ugg boots, and I’m ready to go. Make sure at least one item is from a charity shop.

Phrases

OMG I’m sooo random!

2014

Makeup

Wake me up concealer, the usual collection powder, some cheap mascara (yet again) and super super thick eyeliner. I’d like to think I was actually quite good at eyeliner, and was mostly always even, but I have to admit that it didn’t really suit me that well.

Clothes

A top or jumper from New Look’s 9/15 range, skinny jeans that weren’t quite skinny enough and a pair of converse. Never ever a skirt, as at that point despite owning a grand total of 3 dresses, I didn’t own any skirts.

Phrases

Wtf?!

2016

Makeup

Start with moisturiser, primer, and then onto a very pale foundation probably from Rimmel. The palest concealer on earth to highlight under eyes, nose and forehead, and the Collection lasting perfection concealer for blemishes. Powder, Collection contour, and either Benefit or Urban Decay highlighter literally everywhere. Brow powder and gel, then 3-5 eyeshadows from either Naked or Naked 2. Finally onto Urban Decay mascara, possibly eyeliner and a neutral toned lipstick or babylips.

Clothes

Black skinny jeans and an overpriced top from either Topshop or H&M. Either battered burgundy converse or nice new nikes (depending on my mood). In winter a thick fluffy hooded jacket and tartan scarf are an essential.

Phrases

I know she’s my best friend but…

So that’s a little look into who I was 4 years ago, 2 years ago and who I am now😊 Thanks for reading!

LittleBlog x

A Younger Self Pt. 2

Hey everyone! I’ve never posted recent photos of myself on this for anonymity reasons etc but a few months ago I found a lot of photos of me when I was little and decided to share them, since I’m a very nostalgic person😊 The post had such a great reaction, I’ve decided to do another! 

  This is a picture of me and my older brother J. He currently lives away from home at uni, and I miss him a lot so I treasure photos like this. I have a copy of it up on my wall at the moment! It’s us together in my old kitchen when I was about 4, with our great big raeburn cooker (like an aga) in the background❤️.
 This is me and my Dad on the beach, and I couldn’t have been more than 1 or 2. I’m wrapped up like a little Inuit against the cold winds, with my favourite Daffy Duck wellies on😊.
 Another snap of me at the beach, proving I had the BEST fashion sense. Who else could wear a green flowery playsuit, orange knee length socks and still pull it off? I think I must have been 2 at this point and absolutely killing it on the clothes front😏.
These two are of me in Boston on holiday in 2002, actually grinning for the photograph. My parents have found an interesting pattern of me not smiling at all in photos when I was younger!
  These photos again prove my impeccable fashion taste, and I’m told that in the second two I actually dressed myself like that with a swimming costume on top of my clothes and another on my head😂.
 This final photo is of my mother, my wonderful auntie R and me naturally reaching for the wine in R’s hand. She had just been married to her husband G and everyone thought I looked very smart in my pink cardigan and my mini kilt in the tartan of my clan❤️.

I love all of these photographs, especially the ones of me and wonderful clothes! I can assure you they’ve improved since then. Thanks for reading!

LittleBlog x