Turning Sixteen.

In two hours I’ll officially be an adult under UK law. I can join the army, get married, have kids, buy fireworks (not necessarily in that order 🙂 ). It feel crazy for this to be happening: I still remember what it felt like to be 4, to be 8, to be 11 starting high school, to be almost every single age. And no, I don’t just have memories of being that age, I remember how it felt. I remember how when I was 4 I desperately longed to be 5 because then I would be a ‘big girl’. When I was 8 I constantly wished I could go to high school and be in ‘big school’. When I was 11 I wanted to be older so then I’d have a proper figure, and I could do what I want.

I’m older now (sort of) but I just want everything to slow down. I’m a big girl now but I just want to be little again so theres no stress, and I want to go back to primary school when everything was simple and despite having aged 5 years, I doubt I’ll ever have a ‘proper’ figure. I’m okay with that one though. In 2 months I’ll be sitting my prelims (mock exams), then the real things in 6 months, and then a year after that I’ll be leaving school and hopefully heading for University! In the last couple of days my plans for the future have been completely turned on it’s head and I’m currently stuck in limbo of not knowing where I’ll be in the next year. I realise everyone gets this, but for the last year or so I’ve been so sure of what I wanted to do and now I’m beginning to wonder whether the subjects I’m studying will even be relevant n the next three years of my life.

My next worry is a bit of an embarrassing one. As everyone keeps telling me, by tomorrow I’ll be ‘legal’ and can do whatever I want. With a guy (or girl) who is also legal. You see what I’m getting at? It’s not like I’m frigid (although there is absolutely nothing wrong with that) but I’m really not in a rush to have a boyfriend or girlfriend or anything. Honestly I think it’s laziness- in the past couple of months I have -got with- people and that was finee and fun and everything but if I actually had the choice to be in a relationship I’d probably say no at this point. There was a thing that I had with a guy recently which I might talk about in another post but eventually I chose not to pursue it. He was gorgeous (like a solid 9, no kidding) and he genuinely liked me, but he was a little older than me and it just didn’t feel right.

I feel like I’m just rambling at the moment about ever thought that comes into my head without actually getting to my point. What was my point? I think it’s just that I’m scared of getting older even though hardly anything will change and in the long run I’ll be finee. It’s excitement too -I’m having a party on Saturday night and I can’t wait!- and nerves about stepping into that place between 16 and 18 where you technically an adult but not really.

If you got this far then I congratulate you, it was a ramble and a mess but I needed to get my thoughts down. Thanks for reading, and wish me luck for 16!

LittleBlog x

The Edinburgh Post (finally).

Hey everyone! If you haven’t read my crazy ranty mental healthy post from 12am last night then i advise you do. Although it’s confusing and impossible to follow it explains a bit of what is going on. 

Anyway, a few weeks ago I visited edinburgh with my family for a few days to celebrate my Dads 50th birthday! I had an amazing time and wanted to share some of the photos i got with you all😊.

 We visited the National Gallery of Modern Art and i absolutely fell in love❤️ These are some of my favourites!

This one is an original Andy Warhol! I love it❤️

These 4 were all done by Bridget Riley and they were some of my favourite works in the whole Gallery.

This was a piece outside Gallery 1 and it’s definitely one of the favourites, by far one of the best pieces at this gallery. If you can’t see the photo, it’s a huge sign mounted on scaffolding that reads ‘THERE WILL BE NO MIRACLES HERE’ lit up in lights that look like the ones you find around dressing room mirrors.

This painting holds a special meaning to my family: it was painted by Anne Redpath, a relation of my Grans and we were very proud to see it hanging in the Gallery.

That night we visited an amazing fish restaurant called ‘Fishers in the City’, it does the most amazing fish and wine. 

Starter- Softshell Crab

Main- Steamed Shetland Mussels

Dessert- The best sticky toffee pudding i’ve ever eaten.

The next day we visited the Edinburgh Botanics, and it was such amazing experience. The whole thing was beautiful but i especially loved the glasshouses.

A beautiful display of prayer flags❤️

The ceiling of the original glasshouse🌴

I also went shopping for a few hours by myself (!) on Princes Street and took this photo of a little fresh flowers stall🌺

On our last night we went to a gorgeous cinema to watch Miss Peregrines Home For Peculiar Children and I had to get a photo of the gorgeous stained glass outside it🐥

That was most of my trip! I had such an amazing week spending time with family and friends I haven’t seen in forever, and i can’t wait for December as I’ll be visiting the Christmas markets twice! Once with my family and once with some friends from Perth. Thanks for reading! 

LittleBlog x

Absence.

Hey everyone! I don’t know if any of you will have noticed, but recently I’ve barely blogged at all. My last post was over a week ago, but I haven’t been actively reading anyone’s blog posts for around a month and my posting schedule hasn’t been consistent since before the summer holidays.

At the beginning of 2016 I threw myself into the world of blogging and made so many new friends and connections. I’ve learned so many things from reading and writing posts and every time I hear from another blogger through their posts, comments or emails it truly warms my heart. However lately I’ve felt so disconnected from it. Not just blogging, but my whole world.

For the past two years I’ve felt like my life is a countdown t the next exciting thing to happen to me, but when that thing comes along I focus so much on trying to make the most of it that I can’t actually enjoy it. A rundown of these ‘events’ for the rest of the next couple of months are:

• National camping weekend with my friends and other young people
• Halloween sleepover/party
• My birthday
• My party (which some friends are travelling over 7 hours to come to!)
• A good friends party

The list goes on and on, and that one doesn’t even cover all of November. I’m so so excited for everything that’s happening, especially to see the friends who are travelling hundreds of miles for my birthday <3. Despite all this excitement, I have this sense that none of this is real. It’s like everything is made of glass and if I move wrong it will all shatter and I’ll be left with nothing.

Not all’s bad though, I just spent a lovely 5 days in Edinburgh going to galleries and gardens and shopping! I’m going to make a couple of posts about what I got up to then, but I felt that this post about my head and feelings took priority. I might write a bit more in depth about this derealisation (if thats a word?) at some point :).

Thanks for reading!

LittleBlog x

300 followers and Q&A!

Hey everyone! First of all I want to thank everyone for their amazing lovely comments on my last post. I wrote about the incident because I was scared and needed support and received such a huge outpouring of love from this community, I can’t thank you all enough❤️

Second of all, I want to say thank you for 300 followers! I haven’t been active on WordPress for over a week (sorry😞) so I don’t know exactly when this happened but it came as such a huge surprise! I’ve only been blogging for 9 months, and today is in fact my blog baby! What I mean by that is that it’s been exactly nine months since I posted my first blog post, to think what I’ve achieved since then is crazy😊. 

To celebrate 300 I’d love to do a Q & A so please could everyone leave a few questions in the comments, no matter how weird or wonderful they are! Again, thank you all and I love you lots and lots❤️❤️❤️ 

LittleBlog x

Women Who Walk Alone At Night.

Last night I was harassed on the street, all because of my gender. Other women and girls who are reading this will sadly immediately know what I’m talking about, and will understand that it can be one of the most terrifying experiences of your life. Men and boys who read this might have some understanding, but they will never ever experience it to this level.

Last night I was walking with a group of friends through the town. A couple hundred feet behind us, there was a group of rowdy – possibly drunk – boys from my year, aged 16+. They somehow recognised me and started shouting my name, but we all just ignored them. We reached a crossing and while most of them carried up the same road, me and my friend H crossed over and started walking parallel to the rest of our friends on the other side of the road. I still have no clue why we did this and I wish we’d stayed with the rest of our friends.

As we were crossing the road, the boys noticed that H was a guy and although there’s nothing between us, they started to shout horrible things about how I was chasing after him and wanted to ‘pounce on his genitalia’. Yes, those were their exact words. Now at that point H did the worst thing he could do: he sped up in front of me and started to walk away. It made me look like a sad idiot literally chasing after a guy and the boys noticed this and were shouting abuse at me. Then H turned up a side street – the opposite way from which I was going – and My. Heart. Stopped. I was suddenly alone, in the dark on the street while a group of boys shouted abuse at me and there was nothing I could do to stop them. One of them, the ringleader, tried coaxing me over the road to join them and despite the fact I was nearly running, they somehow kept up on the other side of the road. I couldn’t see my other friends, I had no idea where H was or where I was going, all I knew was that I had to get far far away from them.

Eventually they disappeared up a street but I kept running because I was scared they would double back and find me. To a lot of people it might sound like I was overreacting but until you are in the situation where a group of 6 large boys who are twice the height and have ten times the strength of you are harassing you on the street in the dark while you are completely alone, you will have no idea how terrifying it is.

I’d just reached our meeting place when H walk through the door, laughing. H thought it was so funny. I called him a prick and he looked confused, like he didn’t even realise I’d been scared for life. I told him he had no clue what it was like, and that he was a dickhead for leaving me, and then I went and sat in the bathrooms for 10 minutes  while I had a breakdown. My heart was racing, my hands were shaking and tears were coursing down my face for what felt like no reason, but all I could think of (and still am thinking of) was how I would cope on Monday at school. All of the boys are in my year, and I’m terrified to go back. Honestly I’d rather shove my fingers down my throat to fake ill than go.

Women who walk alone at night are the bravest people in the world. Women who stick their keys between their fingers in a fist may be terrified, yet they are still resilient. I don’t know if I’ll ever live in a world where I am fearless while walking alone, but maybe this can raise awareness among young men that what they see as ‘just banter’ scares the life out of women. I know that if i reported this to the school or even the police, nothing would come of it. They’d say it was my fault for getting separated from my friends, that it was my fault I was so scared, that ‘boys will be boys’. Everyday sexism still exists in the world, in 2016, whether you want to believe it or not.

I’m sorry for the depressing-ranty post, but I use my blog almost like a therapy session. I’ll be doing more cheerful posts soon, I promise 🙂

LittleBlog x

GRWM Through The Years!

Hey everyone! It’s fair to say that over the years I’ve changed quite a lot in height, style, and even personality :). I thought it would be fun to compare how I was in 2012 and 2014 to now in 2016! I got this idea from Dodie Clark (doddleoddle) one of my favourite youtubers. You can watch her video here.

2012

Makeup

Apply one layer of cheap mascara and some Collection powder, and nothing else because I’m 12 and have absolutely clear skin! I don’t own any concealer or foundation (and neither should I) and I haven’t even heard of contouring.

Clothes

Pair a blue shirt with a vest top and a pair of straight leg jeans, not forgetting the essential Ugg boots, and I’m ready to go. Make sure at least one item is from a charity shop.

Phrases

OMG I’m sooo random!

2014

Makeup

Wake me up concealer, the usual collection powder, some cheap mascara (yet again) and super super thick eyeliner. I’d like to think I was actually quite good at eyeliner, and was mostly always even, but I have to admit that it didn’t really suit me that well.

Clothes

A top or jumper from New Look’s 9/15 range, skinny jeans that weren’t quite skinny enough and a pair of converse. Never ever a skirt, as at that point despite owning a grand total of 3 dresses, I didn’t own any skirts.

Phrases

Wtf?!

2016

Makeup

Start with moisturiser, primer, and then onto a very pale foundation probably from Rimmel. The palest concealer on earth to highlight under eyes, nose and forehead, and the Collection lasting perfection concealer for blemishes. Powder, Collection contour, and either Benefit or Urban Decay highlighter literally everywhere. Brow powder and gel, then 3-5 eyeshadows from either Naked or Naked 2. Finally onto Urban Decay mascara, possibly eyeliner and a neutral toned lipstick or babylips.

Clothes

Black skinny jeans and an overpriced top from either Topshop or H&M. Either battered burgundy converse or nice new nikes (depending on my mood). In winter a thick fluffy hooded jacket and tartan scarf are an essential.

Phrases

I know she’s my best friend but…

So that’s a little look into who I was 4 years ago, 2 years ago and who I am now😊 Thanks for reading!

LittleBlog x

A Younger Self Pt. 2

Hey everyone! I’ve never posted recent photos of myself on this for anonymity reasons etc but a few months ago I found a lot of photos of me when I was little and decided to share them, since I’m a very nostalgic person😊 The post had such a great reaction, I’ve decided to do another! 

  This is a picture of me and my older brother J. He currently lives away from home at uni, and I miss him a lot so I treasure photos like this. I have a copy of it up on my wall at the moment! It’s us together in my old kitchen when I was about 4, with our great big raeburn cooker (like an aga) in the background❤️.
 This is me and my Dad on the beach, and I couldn’t have been more than 1 or 2. I’m wrapped up like a little Inuit against the cold winds, with my favourite Daffy Duck wellies on😊.
 Another snap of me at the beach, proving I had the BEST fashion sense. Who else could wear a green flowery playsuit, orange knee length socks and still pull it off? I think I must have been 2 at this point and absolutely killing it on the clothes front😏.
These two are of me in Boston on holiday in 2002, actually grinning for the photograph. My parents have found an interesting pattern of me not smiling at all in photos when I was younger!
  These photos again prove my impeccable fashion taste, and I’m told that in the second two I actually dressed myself like that with a swimming costume on top of my clothes and another on my head😂.
 This final photo is of my mother, my wonderful auntie R and me naturally reaching for the wine in R’s hand. She had just been married to her husband G and everyone thought I looked very smart in my pink cardigan and my mini kilt in the tartan of my clan❤️.

I love all of these photographs, especially the ones of me and wonderful clothes! I can assure you they’ve improved since then. Thanks for reading!

LittleBlog x

Chat Days #7

Hey everyone! If you’re new to my blog then you might not know what this is; it’s a (very!) irregular series in which I just chat about what’s been going on in my life recently, sort of like an updatery :). I haven’t posted in two weeks, which is one of the longest times I’ve gone without posting anything :(. I feel like school’s been so crazy that I just don’t have the time!

It’s been quite weird at school lately, one of my closest friends role up with her girlfriend last week but then was back together with her the day after, despite having broken down crying in the middle of the carpark in front of a lot of sixth years.

K and M have had a huge fall out that resulted in both of them in tears messaging me last night as I’m one of the only people who is currently impartial. I’m trying so hard not to favour either side because I don’t want to have a fall out too, but it’s been proving difficult and I just try to not say anything.

Last Saturday P had her 16th birthday party and it was amazing! She stays out in the country in a huge old farmhouse from the 1800s with a massive garden and a billion rooms. CR came up from Fife to go to it which was great because I hadn’t seen her in months. I got a little too drunk as I normally do and I can’t remember a lot of the night, but I know that it was a lot of fun :). There was one point where I was sitting in two of my friends laps and we all started pulling – but we’ve reassured each other it was all completely platonic :). It’s made me have a lot more questions about my sexuality and I hope to write a post on that in the future :).

I’ve been getting huge amount of homework from my gaelic teacher to do over the week- I get grammar, vocabulary and reading homework every week without fail, and I’m currently writing a spoken piece to prepare for one of my unit assessments (of which there are far too many). I should be getting on with those tonight but I desperately need to catch up on whats been happening in the blogosphere and also in Blogwarts! I was enrolled as a student of Gryffindraft and although it sounds so nerdy, I can’t wait :).

Sorry I’ve been gone for so long! Thanks for reading 🙂

LittleBlog x

Becoming Vegetarian.

Hey everyone! Around two weeks ago I decided to become a vegetarian and this is one of the best health choices I’ve made for myself recently :). I’d thought about for a while so one day for no particular reason, me and my sister decided to do it! I want to make clear that this post is not trying to force vegetarianism or vegans on anyone, neither is it shaming meat-eaters, but just explaining how it’s been good for me and my body :).

I’ve always been very naturally skinny but at the beginning of 2016 I was almost dangerously so, hovering between 6st10 and 7st. I tried many many things to gain weight, even visiting a doctor once, but none of them seemed to work. Initially I didn’t become vegetarian to gain weight, and I was actually worried it would make me lose weight! However, somehow I have managed to gain a whole 10 pounds in the last two weeks which is absolutely amazing <3.

Most of my friends told me not to stop eating meat, and one of them even said I’d float away because I was already so thin! However, I’m proud to have proved him wrong and I’m now much much healthier than I was a few weeks ago :). I think it’s because I’ve been eating much larger breakfasts (which is very important as a teenager) and unimaginable amounts of cheese! I love cheese :).

Meals

These are a few of my favourite meals I’ve had recently! I did have lots of lovely pictures of the things I’ve been eating but they all seem to have disappeared from my phone :(.

1. Lemon, Kale and Cashew Pasta: It sounds very hipster but it’s actually delicious and has a lot more flavour than you’d expect!
2. Feta, Tomato, Black Olive and Fresh Basil Pizza: This is one of my favourites as it’s pizza obviously :).
3. Tomato, Celery and Honey Soup: One of my mum’s vegetarian friends made this for us and it was amazing!

My goal is to be a vegetarian for about 3 months, but I’m not going to be too strict on myself as the range of veggie food at my school is pretty terrible. I’ve been really enjoying it and I’m so glad at how healthy it’s made me! Thanks for reading, and sorry I’ve been gone so long :).

LittleBlog x

 

The Best Day Of My Life (So Far!)

Hey everyone! As I said yesterday, today is results day for my exams. I received my letter about an hour ago, and since then I’ve been in shock. My results were:….

7 A’S!!!!! As soon as I opened the letter and saw it I couldn’t believe my eyes! I screamed and hugged my sister, ran and told my dad and sobbed down the phone to my mum who’s away at the moment :). In this moment I could not be happier <3.

I didn’t expect this at all because I was so sure I’d done terribly on some of my exams, but this now means I don’t have to change any of my subject choices for 5th year because of bad grades, something I was very worried about.

I’m going out for dinner tonight with a load of friends which will be great! I want to wish everyone else who had results today, or will have them in the future, good luck! Thanks for reading :).

LittleBlog x